Category: Dating and Relationships
I will start out stating that this topic will be offensive to many.
I’m not ranting kind of, but wish an opinion on this.
The reason this topic will offend, is it has to do with people that love their animals, and in my experience, when you start talking about how much they will put up with for them, you cross a line that brings up much emotion.
I’m also going to try and be as nice as possible, but I fear that won’t work either.
In my current situation, and in the pass, I have dated people that have animals. Dogs, cats, birds, even fish, and most do not care about the animals smell or mess inside the house.
As a man, I have had to ignore the fact there is a pile of droppings on the floor, or under the bed, and the litter boxes smell, due to not being cleaned in several days, and there is urine in the carpets, sometimes even dried up, or partially cleaned up, droppings on it.
Even fish and other animal cages, can be kept messy, so they smell.
Dogs and cats are left inside, so drag out trash, and in my case, if you are dating a woman, this trash sometimes will be used monthly sanitary equipment. Dogs will chew it.
The women are nice people, interesting, kind, and that sort of thing. When they come out, they are clean, in dress and body.
These same people don’t mind offering you a meal on the table the cat has just walked on without washing it first, or a drink that has animal hair on it.
I am even offered the opportunity to share the bed with the dog/cat, and her, and sometimes, because the animal has been laying on it, it smells like it, or even urine on the covers.
These women have no problem asking you to just kick off your shoes, and relax, and they do likewise, so they don’t mind walking on the dirty floors, or carpets barefooted.
I believe myself to be a nice man, so I offer, and have cleaned up the mess, so I can, eat, sleep, and drink in peace for the night, but the scent doesn’t really go away if this is how the person lives.
I have experienced this both with sighted and blind women, so it has nothing to do with being blind. The excuse can’t be used that you can’t see to clean up the animal mess, or it is difficult for you.
In my opinion, if you can’t keep an animal cleaned up, and the messes it might cause, you probably shouldn’t have it, but saying that will get you shot!
Yes, I have dated women that have animals, and you don’t even smell them in the house, but as I’ve stated this is mostly not the case.
I personally have even had dogs, cats, and fish, and you can’t smell my animals in my house. I currently don’t at this time, but have.
Here is the question. How expectable is this? Should it be looked at as the price of dating the person that otherwise is a lovely girl, or not?
How much is allowed for a man to say, and what should he expected without sounding like a nag?
I mean, you roll over in the bed, and its 2 AM and you smell dog or cat urine, you just want to get up and go home!
Is it because I’m not a real animal lover, that I have issue with the dog licking my back while I’m kissing the woman?
Fine, I can deal with the animals in the bed, for a minute, or on the couch, but enough is enough. Put it outside and close the door now, or tell it to lay on the floor?
have been asked, why don’t you stick around, or why don’t you want to visit me at my place, and being a nice buy, I’ve tried to figure out a way to say why, without saying bluntly, you need to ditch the animals, or clean up, or pay somebody other than my kindness to do it!
I suspect that this is something only you can decide. While your post is about the mess caused by animals, this could just as easily be about any particular habits or idiosyncrasies in a partner that you happen to find annoying - playing loud music, keeping an untidy house, keeping too tidy a house, etc etc. The question is, what would your requests of your partner be in these situations, and would she be inclined to grant them? If not, I suppose the acid test is are they too high a price to pay for the relationship. Speaking personally, I'm unashamedly not a fan of animals except as part of a meal, so I wouldn't date a partner to whom animals obviously meant as much as they do to the women you mentioned. Perhaps you may be able to more easily find an accommodation in these situations given that you've owned animals yourself.
I feel Wayne's pain on this one. There are animal lover types who are so extreme you can't say a thing about their animals. They even call themselves parents, as if having a pet hd the same level of commitment / responsibility and the works as raising a child does.
I've heard several theories on this one, Wayne. Especially as it relates to heterosexual relationships, anyway. You know the old saying, something like, if she doesn't like his dog, he'll kick it to the curb and let her move in. But he'd better love her dogs.
Just a saying, and more general not specific anyway. But what I heard was that people who keep themselves in filth with their animals are trying to protect themselves from someone or something in the outside world. And I've also heard that some women will use animals as an acid test of worthiness for the potential man. If he dotes enough, is generous enough, and treats the animals well enough, she may deem him suitable as a partner / potential father of her offspring. Sort of a trial method to see if you're good enough, a bit of dating bureaucratic red tape if you will.
But I'm with you: not big on animal filth at all.
Oh yeah and guys can be completely filthy with keeping animals also, except we are free to say they are being just pigs about it, and I would not blame any woman for staying away from a filthy house like that either.
I think that if you're going to live with a woman who has pets, you're going to deal with a certain amount of hair and whatnot no matter what. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with asking her to keep things as clean as she can, within reason of course. You might get stuck dealing with some hair on your blanket, but urine? Hell no, that's never never okay. Woman, man, doesn't matter. Pets are pets, not children, and you've every right to be honest about how little you like living in animal filth.
To be fair, urine and droppings on the floor shouldn't really be tolerable to most, and I'd say you've been rather unlucky there. I know for myself that I'm mortified even when my cat horks up a hairball on the rug, even though it's about ninety percent hair and only gross if you step on it. I just go get it and try to quench the awkwardness.
My stance is this. If the house is pretty clean, there's no awful smell of waste or actual waste on the carpet or bed or couch or whatnot, then try and have a bit of compassion. Animals have hair. So do you. Animals shed skin. So do you. Animals smell. Well, clean as you are, you probably smell at least a little, especially your hair. As long as there's a reasonable effort being made to keep things clean, I think that's good enough.
I've had cats all my life. I don't really care too much about hair unless it's actually in bed with me. I don't even mind a cat on the foot of the bed sometimes if he wants to be there, because cat cuddles are nice. On top of the blanket is where I want them to stay if pposible, mind you. countertops are a no-no, tables where people are eating regularly are also a bad idea.
It might just be that you aren't very tolerant of animals, in which case I think you've got to do what's best for you, and that probably means getting away. You're going to know fairly early on that a partner's got pets and doesn't clean to your standards. If that's true, and you learn it early...well harsh as it is, better you find out you can't deal with it early on and cut the cord than wait around trying to stomach it and realizing you can't. I'm a bit more permissive than you, I think, but everyone has a right to their standards.
Yeh I agree; What you described Wayne seems to be a real extreme; it's disgusting!
I remember staying at someone's house when I was little (obviously this isn't going to relate to the dating aspect), who's house absolutely stunk because she obviously rarely cleaned the kitty litter; I then thought that everyone who kept cats inside were disgusting. But as I got older, I realized that if the kitty litter is cleaned at least once a day, the house doesn't smell at all, and I believe different types of litter can help there.
I do not think there is any excuse what-so-ever not to clean the kitty litter. Each to their own I suppose, but don't expect me to step a foot inside your house if you're lazy about cleaning it; it's beyond disgusting!
And btw, just so you know, I adore cats and any animal for that matter.
P.S. I haven't fortunately come across anyone who thinks it's OK to leave dog urine and fecies on the carpet/bed but wow, just, wow! I'm sorryr but something has to be wrong with them if they think it's OK and even healthy to live like that.
P.P.S. A lot of people sleep with their animals which is fine because it's up to the individual but in a dating situation, i think that needs to be a conversation as to how much you as the partner can handle; it's only fair.
Eg, in my own situation, myself and my partner have a guide dog each; I am lenient about letting mine sleep on my bed but my partner doesn't agree with that behaviour. He loves animals as much as I do - perhaps even more in some ways, but it's just something he doesn't like and I have to respect that especially when I'm at his place and when I eventually move in there.
Rdfreak, I used to think the same thing about cats when I was younger, because of a similar situation. I visited someone I knew who had 2 cats, and her place was absolutely disgusting, so for years, I just assumed having a cat would cause someone's house to smell terrible. I now know that isn't true, that there are plenty of ways to keep a house clean while owning a cat (or any animal, for that matter).
It's unbelievable what some animal owners find acceptable! To me, part of loving an animal would mean wanting to keep it and its surroundings clean. People who can't comprehend that simple fact shouldn't own an animal. I can't say I've been anywhere recently where the situation was as extreme as described in Wayne's original post, although I've been to the home of someone whose cat was wandering around on the tables and counters where there was food, and it just made me cringe and not want to eat there.
I've got a dog, and she sheds... a LOT. I usually have to rn the vacuum every day, or at least every other day, to keep the dog hair under control. I know animals are going to shed; but I also know that, left unattended, dog hair ends up on everything... including clothes. I'd rather not walk around covered in dog hair; it's a LOT easier to control it so it doesn't get to that point.
Sounds more like the person you described lacked common sense in cleanliness and how to take care of animals properly. Unfortunately a lot of animal owners are slow in that department. You would think that an animal extremist that either breeds or owns several animals would either stay on top of that, or possibly hire someone to help out keep things clean and take care of all the animals, but it's not the case. It reminds me of these young foolish parents who have a lot of kids and do a shitty job of raising them and try to excuse themselves via the fact that they have a lot of children and it is such a hassle. Yet they are the ones who create the children in the first place.
Not all animal lovers are as so. My aunt had several birds, a snake, two cats, a couple dogs, a turtle, and I think even an iguana all at the same time. The house had a strong animaly odor but she did a great job of keeping the house clean. Hopefully you do find out in conversation before the point of moving in with the person that they are in fact a big animal fan. It would be a good idea to ask, casually, if you can stop by some time to see the animals and their place to possibly get an idea for yourself. However you won't know unless you ask beforehand as to how clingy they are with the animals, and whether or not they allow them to do things like sleep in the bed. It doesn't hurt to ask questions beforehand.
I am not only talking one person, but several, so yes, lots of animal lovers.
I also am not talking about moving in or having a long term relationship, just dating, so visiting on a regular bases.
If it were longterm, we'd not make it.
I suppose when you have company you can clean up?
Yes, animals shed, and I have had dogs, but that hair is really easy to keep up, and it doesn't have to be in the fridge, or things like that.
I did date one lady with 2 cats, and hers were just lovely, clean, and lacked that cathouse smell, so it is possible, but for the most part, people with animals just don't seem to care.
I also have heard the same thing about the cat or dog being the test of how will you'd be as a mate.
People love the pets to the point it just gets nasty, and I think its unhealthy, but I'm still here to write about it, so maybe I'm wrong?
Meh you're not wrong. I am very fortunate to be with a chik who, when she had a cat would put it out of the bedroom when we were together.
A good thing. These cats licking on your bghack kind of cause you to pay attenchen to the cat, not the girl!
Ruff tongues!
Wayne, I'm totally with you. I like animals, but when it comes to what you're talking about in your posts, and what others who also agree have said, I'm not such an animal lover that I'd date someone whose house constantly stunk, or who I knew didn't keep their animals as clean as possible. I'd never make it with someone like that, either.
I would definitely have to respectively disagree Wayne that the majority of animal lovers are as you described in your first post; In my experience anyway, it's quite the opposite.
Don't shoot me Wayne, but maybe you have just been with lazy women. Lol!
Possible, possible. I'm not the one that will shoot you. You tell them they need to get rid of poopsy, and you'll have to fight. Lol
I could not put up with animal crap all over the house. well, not even any animal crap in the house. yuck. I can not even put up with misbehaved animals. dogs begging for my food all the time, jumping up on me, cats in my food, etc. it's a bad sign when you meet someone and he starts talking about his kitty or doggie. it's a cat or, a dog. it's not a doggie. I use a guide dog. my dog is on a down and stay when I am at someone's house. if their animal won't leave her alone there will be a problem. I will not allow my dog to misbehave and, possibly cause problems in her training just for some guy's spoiled doggy.
you know, this topic made me think. I have never gone out with a man who kept any animals in the house. not even one. and, I have dated several men. they may have had a cat but, it stayed outside, or he had horses, outside of course.
I am a nut about keeping my dog clean and her hairs off the floor. I brush her every day and do the floors nearly daily as well.
I dated a guy once who had a guide dog and, he kept it down when I was there. we had no problems.
once, I had someone come over, he had a guide dog. so, he shows up, first time ever, and turns his dog loose in my place. I was like, um, I have a dog here, he's on a downstay. can you do the same? I think he was offended. heh. to bad. so, that was our one and only date.
I stated above that I never dated a guy who kept an animal in the house. then I said I dated a guy with a guide dog. just to clarify, that was short term. like a couple weeks. and, I remembered that I did date a guy who had a pet dog once. and, ye, it did cause problems. that dog slept in his bed and, it was a smelly bed. he also took it in the car with us sometimes. fortunately, it left my guide dog alone and, he never brought it to my place where we spent most of our time.
the long and short of it is, yes, it can cause problems in a relationship. but, then, so can dating someone with children which, I don't have nor want and which, is for another topic.
Not for me either. You really have to keep up with cleanliness with keeping an animal, blind or sighted. Cats on the table? That was part of a problem I had with going to my sister's house. And the thing would drink out of my cereal bowl before I was done with the breakfast. I almost got sick once just with the cat near my bowl and me thinking about it.
Its a touchy subject and I'm one of those. I have two dogs that rule my household. However, they are trained and well mannored. They do sleep with us, but I would always make sure there was room for my man. Although Korona did knock joseph off the bed one night but that was an accident, Korona apologized and they went back to snoring! lol. In all honesty some people are closer to pets bc maybe thats all they have ever had close to them. But if they are not clean and well taken care of then I wouldn't tollerate it either.
Drinking from your bowl. That made me laugh. Smile.
I'll feed a dog from my hand, but have never had one just eat out of my plate when I was sitting there nor a cat either.
I'd laugh.
No, I'd not continue to eat it, but still? hahahaha
Also just speaking from a former bird owner's perspective, birds can be filthy nasty too. I know people who have gone to bird owners' houses and been shocked at the mess then come to see me, and commented on how they didn't know birds could get dirty till they went to so-and-so's house. Um yeah birds basically shit on everything in their environment. The way you control that is where you don't want them to shit, you make a perch that is deceptive and uncomfortable: I got really good at making shaky perches where they'd go to land and it would bend / tip. The real animal lover types think that is mean but it's just a way to make sure the bird only sits where you want it to and, by definition, only shits where you want it to.
So yes if people call their birds 'birdie' (which to me sounds like a game of Bad Mitten anyway), be aware and yes people can keep birds filthy dirty too. Of course they won't be in the bed but still. I used to put their cage parts in boiling water. Birds can't smess so you are free to completely sanitize their environment - just rinse off any chemicals used - but they don't care if their environment has no smell of theirs at all.
But I did have to laugh when someone told me they didn't know birds could get dirty and then she recounted a bird situation she saw that made me recoil. Then again I think by describing what it takes to properly keep a bird's cage clean and sanitary she got talked out of getting one. lol
Omg Leo thats funny, shaky perches lol poor birdy
Oh wow, wayne. Poor, poor, wayne. You, my friend, have just had the misfortune of dating...Um...slobs. lol No. sorry. I am an animal lover, I havd a guide dog and my partner still has his *=(mine died of cancer)). But never in a million years would I allow: shit on the floor, urine anywhere on clothes, carpets, bedspreads, etc. the dog on the bed, on the table, eating out of bowls...Ugh. No, no, no, no, no. and I'm a dog lover. I also had a rabbit once, and I kept his cage clean and fresh-smelling...Actually, my significant other isn't as meticulous about the dog hair as I was with my dog, so I've been getting on his ss to brush the dog and vacuum regularly and thoroughly, because now that he's the only one in our household who rightfully owns a dog, so it's his responsibility. In fact, that's really the only thing we ever have tiffs about. lol. But I'm whippinghim into shape regarding the dog hair...He's been great about keeping it under control in the last few months, but it took a lot of nagging.
My point is, wayne, you're a dear for having put up with this type of nonsense, but trust me, not all animal lovers are such slobs. Just because a woman can dress well and maybe even smells good doesn't mean she's able to keep a clean house.
And trust me. I've met many filthy female pigs who could transform themselves into prize beauties---Just thinking of my college roommates makes me cringe. These crazy chicks would refuse to wash the toilet or wash dishes, but they'd take two showers in one day if they had a party to go to or some other engagement. Nasty, nasty nasty.
Anyway, long story short, no, you sure as hell shouldn't put up with that, and you're not offensive in the least for speaking up about it. And I am certainly an animal lover, again, so take it from someone who is. If she cant' keep her place clean, trust me, no matter how clean she seems, she qualifies as nasty. Especially regarding the litter that's never changed on time and the urine in the bed. Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww. Dont' put up with it. I dont' think any amount of amazing sex is worth you visiting a nasty environment. lol
People say the same thing about covering the table or furniture wit double sided tape to dissuade your cat from getting up or clawing.
Bernadetta is right. Wow wayne you've put up with more than you should have! I have a dog Not only do I not allow bad manners but I also help keep him clean. All this just sounds disgusting, I mean, ill! Urine on the bed, hair all over, ugh, my goodness! part of loving my dog, for instance, is being responsible enough to keep him clean and everything around him as clean and safe as possible. I also had a 15 year old cat who left hair all over, and guess what? I was to wash the sheets after the firstand last time he took over my bed, because ugh, it wasjust too much andI didn't feel I could sleep there again. So I don't care how much one can love their animals, there's absolutely no excuse for this kindof behavior! I think, therefore, the it's not wrong to speak up about it, because they either stay on top of their responsabilitties or they don'thave animals, period!
Oh, I speak up about it. It is just that people get so mad when I do.
It is just a touchy subject. Love me, love my dog/cat/bird/ well, you get the picture.
In my case, it is not putting up with it, because I don't, my place is animal free, so invitations are given, but the subject, and talking about it, no matter how gental it is put is fighting words.
I did give the extreme examples, and I've seen them actually. Everyone is not so bad, but bad enough.
No, it won't, and hasn't killed me to eat on a table the cat walked on, or sleep in the bed with the dogs. I just don't feel the beds, couches, tables, and such are places for them to be.
Hi,
I love my animals because they've been with me through so much. Well that, and they're all I have who are around me 24/7. But I keep my birds' cage clean and my rabbits hutch clean, too. It doesn't smell much like animals in here, save for hay maybe. I let my bunnies out to play, but vacuum after their back in the hutch they live in. They're litter box trained, so go back in the box to eat and use the bathroom. personally, I don't care if I have some rabbit hair on me if I go out somewhere. So long as I'm not going to someplace nice, it doesn't matter to me much. But if I let them on the couch or something, I vacuum the couch. I don't worry much about my appearance in general. If they're shedding like crazy though and I just spent an hour petting them, sure, I'll change my shirt/clothes.
As for Jiminy, my cockatiel, he eats bird pellets, which are less messy than seeds everywhere. and as for the bathroom problem, I clean his cage once a day, clean his water once per day and sanitize his toys/perches every once in awhile in boiling water. I vacuum around his cage when i vacuu. I dismantel the whole cage and clean it out as well. To me, my place smells much less like animals than my best friends' house. she and her husband have two bulldogs currently, in adition to a blue and gold macaw. You walk in and can smell the dogs in that place. It's not overpowering to me, but still, it's there. And when I had a cat, she was not allowed on the counter and she knew it. She stayed off the kitchen counters and only climbed furniture I let her on, such as my dresser. I let her on my bed and she'd even sleep under my head as my pillow some nights. If she was shedding, I brushed her and then vacuumed thoroughly. I had a littermaid box, which did a very good job, in my opinion, of sealing in oders. I just emptied the bin once a week and scooped any stray clumps the box missed and filled again with fresh litter, when necessary. She only had an issue with urinating outside the box once and that was right before my ex and I knew she was dying. That was the signal to us in fact, that something was wrong. I keep a very, very clean place and I would not put up with piles of crap everywhere, either.
For me, if someone said to me "Love me, love my pets," that would depend on several factors. First, how much of a disturbance/annoyance are the pets in question? Are they hyper and hard to manage or are they polite and well behaved? Do they have tons of anxiety issues and are high stress and demand a lot of atention or are they relatively chill? How clean is the house? How much effort does the owner put into keeping it up? How much effort does the owner put into training the pets and keeping them up? Do cats/dogs stay off counters and out of food? These are all questions I'd ask anyone who said love me, love my pets. I have high standards for my pets and I'd expect anyone else to have the same for theirs. I've done a lot of socialization and training work with my bird. As a result, he's a relatively sweet, calm, relaxed little guy, who doesn't get afraid of much. He's perfectly happy to hang out with the vacuum running, sitting on my shoulder or to sit with me and watch TV and enjoy head scratches. He's ok with most new people, so long as they give him time to get used to them and don't move too fast around him.
Just my two cents,
Dawnielle